Friday Funnies

[107oc]

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[qed]

Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,


And every year Ken would say,


'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'


Edna always replied,


'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,


And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'


One year Ken and Edna went to the fair,
 and Ken said,


'Edna, I'm 75 years old.


If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'

To this, Edna replied,

"Ken that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'


The pilot overheard the couple and said,


'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!


But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'


Ken and Edna agreed and up they went.


The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.


He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,


But still not a word...


When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said,


'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.


I'm impressed!'


Ken replied,


'Well, to tell you the truth,


I almost said something when Edna fell out,


But you know,


"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

[ian789]

A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on war.

The librarian replies, "f**k off, you'll lose it."

[Susiebabe]

A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on war.

The librarian replies, "f*** off, you'll lose it."

Ha Ha!  Although I would throw you out for swearing.......against the 1964 Public library & Museums Act Byelaws!
It would work as well with Italian wouldnt it.
 

[ian789]

I met a girl in a pub last night and we ended up going back to her house.

After a few more drinks we started kissing and having a bit of foreplay on the sofa.

She looked at me and said, "Let's take this upstairs".

I said, "Ok, you grab one end and I'll grab the other".

[soffit]

You wonder who makes them up

[ian789]

My Doctor has advised me to start running.

I'm not ill or anything, I've been shagging his wife.

[ian789]

The Police knocked on my door and said 'your dogs chasing some guy on a bike' and i replied ' don't be daft my dog doesn't own a bike'

[qed]

Your too young to remember Crackerjack aren't you.


Shame you would have enjoyed it.

[Vampire]

CRACKERJACK!!! 

[Susiebabe]

She was in the kitchen preparing the usual soft-boiled eggs for breakfast, wearing only a T shirt.  She turned to him and said softly "we have got to have sex -now!" He couldn't believe his luck. Without delay he had her on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said "Thanks" and returned to the cooker her T shirt still around her neck. Happy but a little puzzled, he asked "What was that all about?" She explained "The egg timer's broken"!!!!!   

[ian789]

 

[ian789]

It's lucky soffit likes his eggs raw  

[qed]

It's lucky soffit likes his eggs raw 

Soffits eggs have long since dried up....

[soffit]

It's lucky soffit likes his eggs raw  

How dare you! I go from cold to boiling plus three and a half minutes for the perfect orgasm soft-boiled egg every time

[ian789]

One for Sugarbabe

So, I was working in a library and this bloke comes up to me and says, "Do you have a bookmark?" I said, "Yes, we have hundreds...but my name's Dave"