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Handsome Devil
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« Reply #150 on: 21 June 2010, 01:32:19 PM » |
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I ordered a new tennis racquet, but when it arrived I found all the strings were broken.
Turns out they have a no returns policy.
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qed
Bit of a nobend really
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It's in my pocket....
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« Reply #151 on: 21 June 2010, 01:52:48 PM » |
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Thats not bad
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gilesme
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« Reply #152 on: 05 July 2010, 09:02:27 PM » |
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The Manager of the Nigerian national football team has offered to refund all those who bought tickets to the last match they played.
He just needs their bank account details and mother's maiden name.
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ian789
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Ars longa, vita brevis
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« Reply #153 on: 05 July 2010, 09:15:47 PM » |
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The Manager of the Nigerian national football team has offered to refund all those who bought tickets to the last match they played.
He just needs their bank account details and mother's maiden name.
 You should come back more often! He sent me the normal email through autotrader trying to scam me, heres a little tip for everyone, never trust a man who's name you cannot spell  |
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Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again.
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gilesme
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« Reply #154 on: 06 July 2010, 09:00:16 AM » |
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One swallow doesn't make a summer.
But it can make for a memorable first date.
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ian789
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« Reply #155 on: 06 July 2010, 08:33:17 PM » |
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Raoul Moat walks into a bar.
No idea what happens next, I'm frantically clambering out of the f***ing toilet window.
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gilesme
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« Reply #156 on: 06 July 2010, 11:46:15 PM » |
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(I actually made this one up on the way to work (yes, "I know, I can tell" !))
<in the style of tim vine>
So I've taken up drawing at art school.
I decided to do a portrait of the bloke who cuts my grass.
No matter how hard I tried to fit his face onto the paper, it just wouldn't fit.
Turns out he's a landscape gardener.
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qed
Bit of a nobend really
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« Reply #157 on: 06 July 2010, 11:51:35 PM » |
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Sage bush rolls quietly by.........
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ian789
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« Reply #158 on: 06 July 2010, 11:51:47 PM » |
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That is not even raoulmoatly funny.
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Handsome Devil
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« Reply #159 on: 09 July 2010, 01:39:45 PM » |
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A £10,000 reward for catching the fugitive Moat this week.
If he's not found it'll be a £20,000 Raoul over next week.
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ian789
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« Reply #160 on: 09 July 2010, 01:52:32 PM » |
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Isn't he hiding in your area HD?
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Handsome Devil
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« Reply #161 on: 09 July 2010, 02:33:21 PM » |
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I bloody hope not! I got all the doors and windows open!
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gilesme
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« Reply #162 on: 10 July 2010, 09:43:27 AM » |
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Puglet
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« Reply #163 on: 22 July 2010, 10:17:42 PM » |
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HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
Phillip Hewitson, an elderly man, from Norwich UK, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go and turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said, "No but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."
Then the police dispatcher said, "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them" and he hung up.
Within five minutes, Six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Hewitson`s' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to Phillip, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
Phillip said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people
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ian789
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« Reply #164 on: 22 July 2010, 10:40:27 PM » |
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They have a SWAT team in Norwich?
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